An Average Rap

An Average Rap

‘Catch me in the club, hundred bottles on me’ – French Montana

‘Now I’m banging hoes in the Continental’ – will.i.am

‘Get ‘em high like noon on the moon or a room full of smoke’ – Common

We go to the pub sometimes. By we I mean my friends and I but really I mean me – they probably go to the pub sometimes with other people. We usually curse the price of pints, have one or two, lose expertly on the quiz machine and then go home without talking to any females but having talked about them surgically.

I don’t own a car, but if I did it would probably be something like a 1996 Fiat Panda. I would likely fit a CD player into it which also allows you to charge your phone using an adaptor cable. Instead I use public transport.

Last time I smoked some weed was a few years back, in my bedroom at my parent’s. It was something I did often. I perfected leaning from my window, blowing the smoke away into errant breezes, and then deodorizing my room whilst coughing over the can’s hissing. I would watch films and cartoons. They would never seem as funny or as convincing after smoking. Sometimes I would feel very sick.

By James Nixon

Image: Asia Wardzyńska